November 11th, 2008 - 2:20 pm EST: My comeback was fun, but didn't last very long. A week or two after my win on Fleety Pie, we were together again in the Fort. I should've known that it was going to be a bad day from the get-go. When I first rode Fleety Pie, no other jockey wanted to. Apparently, she was crazy and when I did ride her that day we had to make sure we kept her moving, otherwise apparently bad things can happen when she stands still. As I was being legged up on her in the paddock, she stopped for a fraction of a second and freaked out. I was half-way up, so the trainer let me go so I could get down but my hand and whip got stuck in her mane and my lines.
As she kept rearing and running backwards, my shoulder was overstretched a great deal and she wound up stepping on my foot - which feels great when your boots are paper thin. I finally got myself freed and took a little breather before I finally got on her and made it out to the track. We were going a mile and a sixteenth and had a great position on the backside - a bit out of it, but I had a ton of horse. All of a sudden "CRACK!!" Her front right ankle shattered. I managed to pull her up and hop off safely, but I believe she had to be put down. I managed to ride two more races after that - one being on a horse I galloped every day, but he's a big chicken and ran nowhere - but my shoulder was in so much pain from that incident that I needed to take the time off. I couldn't even handle whipping right-handed, my shoulder was so bad.
In mid-September, I was galloping a horse out of the gates with another horse from our barn. My horse broke well and accelerated nicely, but then all of a sudden bolted to the left as the chute ended and we met up with the main track. He bolted out from under me so fast, I had no chance of staying on and went flying off. Next thing I remember, I'm in the ambulance on the way to the hospital after suffering a lovely concussion. I was off for a week and a half before I got clearance to come back and ride. That was my second concussion in the last five years and my helmet was completely flat on the front.
About a week and a half since I had returned to work I had yet another incident. This one horse I galloped frequently is dumb as box of rocks and you always have to be on your toes with him, as he'll overreact to every situation. It had just rained the night before, so the racetrack was very hard and loud (gotta love polytrack). As I was slowing down after galloping, he must've heard the horses galloping by and all of a sudden - not even out of a gallop yet - he decided to pull a 180 and wheel on me. Even though I was bracing myself, knowing he's going to do something stupid, I got flung off so fast. My right foot got caught in the stirrup and I managed to very badly sprain my ankle before I was completely flung off, under the outside rail and whacked my head off the concrete. At least I figured out that my helmet works good.
The fact that my racing career isn't going anywhere - the weight is ridiculous and the horses I managed to ride were less than stellar due to my high weight - and the fact that as a regular exercise rider you're not going to make that much money and really get ahead, I decided that I've had enough of the racetrack. An education, a 9-5 job, weekends, holidays, vacation with pay, benefits, a retirement plan, maternity leave... all of that trumps risking my life every day for peanuts that I can save all year but will be gone due to the winter being our off season. I'm going to miss riding, but hopefully I will begin making enough money where I can afford to own my own horse once again and return to the world of show jumping for fun.
The racing industry in North America is dying a fairly steady death, too. Handles and attendances are down everywhere and several racetracks are cutting purses and closing down entirely due to this. Betting on horse races is something people are losing interest in due to the fact that it's so complicated, tainted and more or less boring. There are more and more ways to gamble and those methods provide typically more payout for less knowledge, so I can see how our ADD generation is floating away from racing. Now is a good a time as any to get out of the racing industry. Being 40 and my only skill/experience in life is riding horses isn't going to get me very far if the racetracks here close.
Hopefully starting December 1st, I will be taking an E-Business Administration diploma course at the Canadian Business College here in Toronto. From that I will be going for my masters in International Business Administration from the University of London in the UK via an online course. I'm looking forward to the career opportunities that should come from that. I will continue to gallop for one more year while I am going to college, but once I have my diploma I am hoping to get a job very quickly in the real world. I've never been more excited about an education than I am right now!
August 11th, 2008 - 3:17 pm EST: After having made the difficult decision to quit riding back in April, I have decided once again to pursue my dream of being a jockey. However, this time I will be riding at heavier weights that I can do naturally. I had a discussion with an agent a few weeks ago and decided that I would begin riding and tack no lighter than 116-117 to start out. I'm sure as time goes on and I get busier that the weight will become easier to manage, but for now this is very reasonable for me. I am so much stronger and healthier at this weight and I feel that my riding will improve as I get more fit. After having a few mounts the first week and a couple last week, I finally had a winner yesterday.
A few jockeys booked off at Fort Erie yesterday and I had stuck around after riding my initial mount of the day. In the 8th race I picked up a mount called "Fleety Pie," a three-year-old filly that was running for maiden $5,000 claiming going 6-1/2 furlongs on a horribly sloppy racetrack. We trailed the field heading into the first turn, sitting second-last by several lengths while they were flying on the front end, but all of a sudden my filly found an extra gear and we threaded through horses to take the lead and win going away!
The win was for trainer Robert Warner and we went off at 24-1, paying $50 to win. This was my third career win, first win for a trainer other than Danny Vella, also. Two more wins and I will lose my 10 lbs allowance and become a 5 lbs apprentice. It feels great to be back in the tack, especially being strong and healthy. It makes an amazing difference when you aren't light-headed, dizzy and weak just to make the weight they have set. I'm very glad I decided to give it another try.
June 1st, 2008 - 4:05 pm EST: I made one of the hardest decisions of my life just over a month ago. Even after only a short while of doing so this year, the starvation, dehydration and exhaustion took its toll. I had to re-evaluate the situation and ask myself: is this what I really want to do for the rest of my life or even just for a couple of years? Do I really want to, to put it shortly, feel like crap constantly just for the sake of riding races? My answer to that was no. If there's one thing that I've learned, it's that you have to do in life what makes you happy and if you aren't happy then it's time for change. Don't get me wrong, though. I loved riding races and enjoyed every moment of it that I could. But maintaining the weight is not possible for me unless I starve and dehydrate myself. The stress this puts the body through simply isn't worth it in the end in my opinion. As much as I love riding, I don't want to ruin my body or my mind. Depriving my body of nutrition and water - the basic essentials - made me miserable, I had absolutely no energy to do anything or deal with anyone and I became fairly depressed. I was taking several laxatives a day and since I can't heave like most other riders, I was forced to simply not eat or drink unless it was a salad or a tiny sip of water. I just simply cannot maintain that sort of lifestyle just so I can ride races. I'm disappointed and miss it a great deal. If anyone offered me a mount at a reasonable weight I would likely take it for the fun, but I'm not going to kill myself to do it. I rode my last race in a maiden special weight at Fort Erie a while ago for Danny Vella on a horse called Texas Blitz. It was a muddy opening day for the Fort but I came out a winner and you can't end on a better note than that! Danny gave me two mounts in my short career and they were both winners - my only winners - and I am very greatful to him for that. Sure, winning that race makes me want to do it even more, but I have to keep reminding myself of that lifestyle and how much I hated it while I was doing it. Riding is like an addiction... it kills you to do it, but you live for that intense rush you get out there. I'm just glad I hung up my irons early and didn't try to keep going, because it likely would've made it even harder for me to stop. Immediately after that race I rushed outside and enjoyed a hot dog and have since not stopped eating. I'm at a normal body weight now and have had so much energy since I stopped riding. I'm far happier, although I still ask myself if I made the right decision, and I can eat whatever I darn well please now and keep hydrated. Of course, even though I'm only about 117 lbs - around my normal body weight - I feel fat, thanks to the effects of having an eating disorder for the past year or two. I'm sure that will subside as time goes on, though, and I get used to having a real body and not a rack of bones. I now get to enjoy my life at home, which is more important to me. I have been able to focus on my business, Equination, and will begin doing some freelance programming and web design work. Riding at the track as an exercise rider isn't work anymore, either, and I finally have the strength to gallop horses the way I knew I could but was too weak to do before. At least I can say that I did it. I had a dream, I worked my ass off for it and I made it. I won a couple of races and if I ever, for some god forsaken reason down the road want to do it again, I know that I can. You don't know how it is until you experience it for yourself and I did. I lived my dream. I'm happy with my health and life now and that's all that matters. March 5th, 2008 - 8:30 am EST: It's been a long winter and, although not many people know of this site, I figure I may as well make an update. Long story short, I began riding last year and won my first race aboard a horse for Danny Vella called Renga's Girl. I gallop her every day and it meant a lot to win a race for the trainer I've been working for primarily. It helped it was a nice $40,000 claiming race too! Shortly after I had to stop riding due to health concerns I had for myself. I got really sick and I simply couldn't handle the reducing anymore and decided it would be best to just stop for the rest of the season. I wasn't entirely certain if I was going to ride this year, but after a decent off season, I'm fresh and ready to rock and roll. I've been working out continuously since January 1st, at which point I was up to 125 lbs. Today, I'm sitting comfortably around the 108-110 lbs range and I'm well hydrated and eating like a pig. I stopped going to the gym when I started back at the track in February so I didn't overdo it - which I did the first couple of days - but since March began I have been back to the gym every day after work or first thing in the morning if I'm off. This year I began some new training methods at the gym, too. Typically, I would go for a run and that would be it. Usually this would last 30 minutes or so, with a 5-min warmup and cooldown. This year, though, I got shin splints right off the bat in January and figured I can't be wasting my time being off with splints this year again. It's very common for me to get them and it can take weeks to heal up properly just for them to happen again. There are only two stand-up exercise bikes in this gym and no one ever uses them, so I figured I can still go when it's busy and won't have to wait around to get equipment and I'll just do my cardio on that. It's so far turned out to be a great change of plan for me. I forgot how great of a workout you can get out of that and it's sped up my thigh strength significantly in comparison to just running. I can get a good sweat going on it too and can generally go a little longer on that than the treadmill so I can burn more calories. Another new thing this year, which I started about the second week into January, was free-weight lifting. I've never done free weights in my life and figure I'm going to need as much upper body strength as I can get if I want to excel this season. I started off doing 10 lbs weights in each hand just doing bicep curls. I always do 3 reps of 15 for each arm and the first few weeks were very painful! Once in a while I'd do a few reps with the 15 lbs weights, but that would usually kill my arms. Just before I started at a farm, I was up to 12.5 lbs for each hand and that was still leaving me a bit shaky when I was done. This month, so far, I've been doing all reps with 15 lbs and will likely be increasing this to 17.5 lbs either today or tomorrow. I've noticed an improvement in my galloping already and expect by the time I get down to ride races this year I should be fairly strong and ready to go. Aside from being physically ready, I'm very mentally ready this season. I am a bit of a perfectionist and I was a bit too hard on myself last year. I have a lot of confidence in myself this season and a "take-no-crap" attitude that has me feeling very positive about myself. The past few weeks have been a real turnaround for myself. I've cleaned up my act (no more drinking except one glass of wine once in a blue moon) and along with working out like mad, I've started a good vitamin regime that has me feeling very much like I used to. I'm back to my old happy, hyperactive, outgoing self again, which is very comforting and also exciting. It's been a long time since I've felt like this - about a year and a half or so - and I've missed it. There's nothing better than having endless amounts of energy and a metabolism that's faster than ever! This year I'm taking the bull by the horns and going at it full force, nothing is going to stand in my way! My private life has been up and down and right now it's, I suppose, on a break. I was depressed at first, but I'm beginning to welcome this change. Being alone all of the time has given me a lot of time to reflect on myself and focus on my own life for a change and not have to worry about others. I think I really needed that to get an understanding of myself once again and get back to my old self. Aside from getting fit - both mentally and physically - I also launched a new website called Equine Land (www.equineland.com) which is a new horse simulation game. It is currently in a testing phase, while I complete the rest of the work I need to on it. I'm excited for it and cannot wait to have it complete. Everyone seems to be enjoying it so far. This year is going to be very interesting. I cannot wait to see how things play out when I begin riding this season. I hope my new mentality and preparation for riding this year really pays off and I can manage the long days at the track, plus running two websites with ease and not burnout and get sick as often as I did last year. I'm excited and ready to take on the world! June 12th, 2007 - 6:12 pm EST: The last nine days have been, on average, decent. I've been watching the tapes on every race day since the 3rd, excluding last Sunday. My typical day consists of work, come home for a shower and change, go watch the tapes, go straight to the gym, get some groceries and then come home around two. Until last Sunday, it was going great. I even had time to go for a run around the neighbourhood on Saturday before going to watch the tapes because I was finished early. On Sunday, though, I had a horse rear up and flip over through the outside fence of our quarter-mile "sand ring" at the track. We were both fine, but I was definitely not feeling up to going and watching tapes after that happened. I scraped the back of my thigh up a bit and the days following then I've been getting more stiff and finding more sore spots. I've been soaking in epsom salts daily since it happened, which I'm sure is making things a lot better than what they should be. I'll be going back to watch the tapes starting Wednesday night and continuing on until Sunday, again. Thursday after the tapes, I'll be taking my boyfriends car in to have his new birthday present installed - a brand new Pioneer car deck and sirius satellite tuner. I got lucky when buying it, as I was looking at a lower quality, cheaper model from Pioneer since I had the installation fees to consider and the tuner itself isn't cheap either, but the guy there showed me this one and I was convinced when he said free installation - $200 off the price! - so I scooped it up. It's so nice, I want it for my own car! I've been handling my weight quite well. The running has helped me so I can at least eat some more during the day and don't have to starve myself - plus the running actually helps curb my appetite a bit. I'm starting to feel more like my old self again, which has been at least a year or so since I've felt this way. My hormones are back to normal, my body is getting back to normal. Aside from the past few days where I've been stiff as a board, I've had so much energy and I've been feeling so great about myself. However, I'm incredibly tired right now after a late night ;) so I'm going to head to bed! June 3rd, 2007 - 9:30 pm EST: Today was one of those days where you wake out of bed groggy and lack ambition but still decide that you're going to make the most out of your day and enjoy as much as you can. The only problem is that it generally only leads downhill after that point. At Woodbine work was normal as usual - a few workers, one on the grass for Sam Son - and everything went fairly decent. Afterwards, I was able to whip home for a quick shower and a bite of fruit before heading back to the track to begin my first day in the Jockeys Room watching the "tapes." The tape watching consists of a DVD of the previous day's races and various angles for each one. Coming in and watching these tapes on a regular basis for a few weeks is one of the requirements of potential jockeys. Two other potential jockeys were there as well, which made things a little more comfortable. They brought the equicizer in and an ex-jockey was giving them some pointers while they practiced. Overall, it was a very educational experience and, although I wasn't really looking forward to sitting and watching races for a few hours and then doing it again at home, I'm really looking forward to going back again next race day (Wednesday night). Between now and then I need to buy myself a good pair of jock boots, though. I have a used pair I was given a few years ago, but they don't fit me properly. It's quite exciting having my dream finally start to materialize a little, even though I'm still a long way away from starting. I plan on beginning in September, but you never know what could happen between now and then. The weight seems to be pretty easy to handle right now, too. I became a bit heavy last week when I hit 112 on the scale, but I'm back down to 107 so I just have a couple of pounds to shed to be at my goal weight of 105. Not bad at all. I'm also not dying from heat exhaustion this year, which is a huge improvement for me. Generally I get working so hard and run every day that it drains me of all of my water and energy, but I'm keeping myself up well right now. In the meantime, I think a massage is on my "Very Urgent To-Do" list. I need to unwind, relax and loosen my back up a bit. With all sorts of fun personal things going on lately, I need to treat myself for once. Hey, I work hard - I deserve it! If no one else is willing to pamper me, then I may as well do so myself! Seeing as how it's 9:30 - an hour and a half past my bedtime - I'll stop here :)